What do you want? or what do I want?

What do I want? well "what I want, what I really really want is basically is what you want, and I don't know what you want, surprising isn't it".

I don't know what I want, and when you don't know what do you want you reach the state of desiresness.
Yes I have been satisfied of what I have, I have great parents, I have 3 different states of siblings, everyone is special by his own, and I learned to love each one of them as they are the same person even they aren't, I have a great cat that I love so much, I love her when she comes to me while I'm writing or reading or watching movies on my laptop, and she choose to sit in front of me, like she is saying to me "hey, I'm here don't forget about me", I had a great job and I met different kind of people, and because of it I'm heading and knowing myself a lot better than before. So I might be satisfied with what I have, but still something inside me pushes me to think and to search "what do I really want", to define who am I.

Alan Watts explains that if you don't really know what do you want, that is because of two reasons:

1- you already have it
2- You don't know yourself, because you never can.

And If you think that you understand the problem, you do not understand. and have yet to be instrupted further. and if you know that you do not understand then you fully understand.

So when I, or you don't know what do you want, deep inside you know what do you really are searching for.

Earlier in the evening, I've sent a text message to a dear person (who happened to be a subject of a post in this blog) telling him, that I'm fully aware that I am a special person, and I have believed in it from a long long time, I know that I'm special but I don't know how to manifest it, I didn't do a thing that worth talking about, I'm not that smarter person who had the highest mark during ger studies, I used to live in the shadow, but the feeling of specialty that I have, was always there with me, remaining here within me, within the voice of my head and of my heart.

Now that I'm searching what I want, I felt sad in a while, well I'm 27, and sometimes I feel like my date of death is approaching not because of my age, but just like that, I feel like I don't have enough time to search "what I really want" I just want to know it right away.

What do I want? wooof!! Really?! in this time?  Did I meet people who know what do they want? may be my mum, my friend S., my brother even he is not talking about it, but he knows what he wants, my colleagues... But wait a second, those people do not know what they want the way I'm searching for it, I don't know how to explain it... let's rephrase it, those people know what they want in this short life basta... for example, he wants to change the job, she wants to get high salary, and the other wants to marry , the other one may be he just wants to learn something new, I think you start to figure out what I want to say, each one of those people know one thing that they want to do, and this one thing is tangible, for me is different, what I want is far beyond tangible ... is a lot of things that must be felt not touched...

But still: I don't know what I want, the harder the feeling I have when ask myself this question I google the question, as if it's going to help me.

And like I've said to my ex-employer, I will get it, I will be special "outloudy" like no one knows me before, with the help of my God.

For notice: it's been now a week that I'm jobless, today I've gotta a call from a little firm, and I'll begin my new job 24th February, it's me who chose the date, because I still want to get some rest, and I haven't done any of my jobless list, so may be I'll start checking them withing these next two weeks.

Happy Monday for you all, and hope you enjoy the music :)

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